I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
