I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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