Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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