you traded sex for a burrito?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
