we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize