alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
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i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
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The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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