Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
