i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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