im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
