If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
