And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize