We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
