ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
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One blow job doesn not make me gay.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
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some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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