The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
