Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
