She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
