Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We talked him into tasing himself.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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