just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
