i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
