I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Bring me that man meat
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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