He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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