My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
