why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
worst night to have a conscience
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
