Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
