We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
