what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Come on in and take your pants off
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