He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
