You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize