he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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