Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
