YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
