just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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