He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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