Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
found the other keg... it's in the tree
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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