you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
