Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
