no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
