I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
