It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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