A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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