from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My ass is underappreciated
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
