He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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