I cockslap morals
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
