When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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