Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
