Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
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he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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