the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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