Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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