I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
