I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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