You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
