you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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