What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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