I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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