Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
