So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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