i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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