i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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