I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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