My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You ate ashes out of my bong
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
