what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dick very happy bro
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
