I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
be right there i have to get my cape
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
