Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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