I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize