Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
