i'm signing you up for texting rehab
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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