Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
