I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
