Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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