I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
