just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
