She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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