Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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